The Power of Emotional Validation: Why It’s the Foundation of Connection
Have you ever told your child, “It’s OK,” when they were clearly not OK?
We all have. It’s instinctive—wanting to reassure, to smooth things over, to fix the moment. But in doing so, we often miss one of the most powerful tools for building connection with our children:
👉 Emotional validation.
What Is Emotional Validation?
Emotional validation means acknowledging and accepting another person’s feelings—without judgment, correction, or minimizing. It’s saying:
“That sounds really frustrating.”
“I can see why you’d feel sad.”
“It’s okay to feel overwhelmed right now.”
Validation doesn’t mean you agree with why someone feels the way they do. It means you recognize that the feeling is real and deserves to be seen.
Why Does It Matter So Much?
Because being understood is a core human need.
When we validate our child’s emotions, we send the message:
“You make sense to me. Your feelings are safe with me.”
That simple act builds trust, strengthens emotional safety, and opens the door to connection. Kids who feel emotionally validated are more likely to:
Regulate their emotions with your support
Communicate instead of shut down
Trust that you are a safe base—even when things are hard
And maybe most importantly: they learn to validate their own emotions, which is the first step in developing true emotional intelligence.
What Happens Without Validation?
When kids don’t feel heard or understood, they often try harder to be seen. That might look like:
Bigger tantrums
Withdrawal or shutting down
Saying “You don’t get it!” or “You never listen to me!”
Validation doesn’t magically fix every behavior—but it diffuses emotional tension and creates the foundation for problem-solving and regulation.
What Does Validation Sound Like?
Here are some simple, powerful phrases to try:
“That really hurt your feelings, huh?”
“You’re feeling disappointed because we had to leave.”
“You were hoping things would go differently.”
“It’s okay to cry. I’m right here with you.”
“This is hard, and you don’t have to go through it alone.”
These words can feel hard at first—especially if no one validated your feelings growing up. But the more you practice, the more natural it becomes.
A Real-Life Example
Let’s say your child is upset about not getting a treat at the store. Instead of “You’re fine, we don’t need that,” try:
💬 “You’re really disappointed. You were hoping we could get it today. That’s a bummer.”
You don’t have to give in. You don’t have to fix it.
You just hold space.
And in that space, your child feels seen.
Final Thoughts: Validation Is Connection
Emotional validation is not about giving in, coddling, or agreeing with every emotion.
It’s about meeting your child with presence, especially when their feelings are too big for them to hold alone.
When we validate, we say:
💜 “You matter. Your feelings matter. I’m here with you.”
And that… is the foundation of true connection.